Kyubbinapped
by Gaara's Panda-hime
Summary: "Sempai Tobi got the Kyubbi!" "Thats a baby in a costume you idiot,un." "...Oh" Tobi steals a baby and starts a chain-reaction of crazyness. Just a random collection of chapters with Tobi and my new OC Nene tortuting the Akatsuki.
1. Kyubbinapped!

** Kyuubinapped!**

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**Pan-chan) Hey guys! I've been reading a lot of humor stories lately with the Akatsuki in them and a few of them have Itachi and Kisame finding some random baby and taking it to the base with them. So I decided that I was gonna make a random plot-less, story about my OC Nene and her baby Chika and of course our favorite bad guys.**

**Pan-chan) I'm making this story because I'm kind of in a rut with my other stories but don't worry if you're reading any of my others I haven't given up on them I'm just giving myself a break from the drama and suspense of the others.**

**Pan-chan) Okay, here's the disclaimer; I still don't own Naruto if I did none of the Atkasuki would be dead and Sasuke wouldn't be such a prick. Now onto the story!**

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"Finally!" Nene squealed as she stood from her sewing machine chair and looked at the costume in her hands, then down at the infant sitting in the play pen who would wear it. "Awww, Chika you're going to look so cute in this costume." Nene cooed at the baby who answered with a giggly squeak.

"Okay then I have to get ready I gotta pack your diaper bag and shove our costumes in my back pack then we can go." Nene mused and Chika cooed.

Once everything was packed and Chika's stroller was out Nene moved the baby from the play pen to the stroller grabbed her keys off the hook by the door shoved Chika's diaper bag under the stroller in the carrying space and headed out of the house. On the way to downtown to the plaza Nene saw at least four Naruto's , three Neji's, six Sasuke's, Goku from DBZ, Nami, Loofy, and Zolo from One piece, Ichigo, and Rukia from Bleach and a ton more. Man, Nene loved when it was time for the local Con and now she could share her love of all things nerdy with her awesome little daughter, smiling at the thought Nene continued on the way. Once she saw the plaza she started to look around for her friend Akane, she didn't have to look long before.

"NENE!" Looking the direction of the high pitched scream Nene saw a Gaara look-a-like speeding toward her the huge paper Mache gourd bouncing with each step.

"Hey Akane, what happened to you wanting to come as Sasori?" Nene asked as her friend reached her.

"Che, my stupid sister beat me to it she thinks just cause she's fifteen minutes older she's the boss of everything we do, what a jerk." Akane huffed, cursing her twin Kuro.

"Hey be happy she let you be Gaara and she didn't make you come as Sakura again."

"True, it took me forever to get that stupid pink dye out of my hair, so Nene where are yours and Chika's costumes?"

"In the backpack I didn't feel like wearing mine and walking all the way downtown with it on, and Chika will be super cute in hers and I didn't want to be stopped a million times."

"Ahh, okay well lets go find you a bathroom so you can transform into your other self." Akane said smiling, as they walked off. After finding the bathroom Nene went into the largest stall pushing Chika's stroller in too, shutting the door she changed Chika into her hand made costume. Then she stripped and put on her own costume then pulled her shoulder length hair into a low pony tail and set her mask on her head shoving their clothes into the backpack Nene slung it on her back and opened the stall and walked out pushing Chika.

"Awwww, Nene Chika is so freaking cute!" Akane cooed causing some other women and girls to look at the little girl.

"Oh, she's the cutest little Kyuubi ever!" A girl dressed as Hinata shouted, breaking character completely.

"Look her costume even has all nine tails, there so fluffy!" An Ino look-a-like squealed.

"Where did you get her costume?" A woman dressed as Tsunade asked looking at Nene.

"I made it." She said simply.

"Whoa, it's really good, quite accurate really." Ino said, tugging on one of the tails.

"Thanks it took me two weeks to make it, it's really had to take a baby's measurements." Nene mused looking at the wiggly baby in the stroller.

"Okay, Nene we gotta go, remember we signed up to do a skit." Akane said tugging on Nene's sleeve.

"Oh, yeah well let's go." She said pulling the mask down covering her face, making the Ino look-a-like laugh.

"Those costumes are prefect together!" She said then giggled.

Smiling under her mask Nene answered "Sempai will be so proud of Tobi, Tobi got the Kyuubi!"

"Come on Nene, or we won't be able to go on." Akane said pulling on her sleeve again.

"Okay, Akane-chan! Bye-bye other ladies!" Nene shouted, as her and Akane walked out of the bathroom.

Making their way through the crowd of people Nene kept up her Tobi act and everyone loved that Chika was dressed up like Kurama, after fifteen minutes Nene sighed, and stopped taking Chika out of her stroller Nene folded it up and Akane carried it. Nene had Chika and the diaper bag, reaching the stage they signed in and the woman at the folding table gave them their number telling them they were to go on in twenty minutes. Figuring they had enough time the girls hunted down the food court as Akane ordered her food someone tapped Nene on her shoulder turning around she came mask to mask with another Tobi.

"Oooo, there are two Tobi's and Tobi's clone has the Kyuubi can Tobi hold the Kyuubi?" the other Tobi asked tilting his head to the left.

"Uhhh, no." Nene answered.

"Awwww, but Tobi wants to hold the little Kyuubi to bad Sempai isn't here Sempai would just steal the Kyuubi."

"Okay, I think it's time to leave, come on Akane." Nene said turning away.

"No, new Tobi don't leave Tobi, Tobi only wants to hold the fluffy Kyuubi."

"I said no you creeper, so beat it!" Nene yelled.

"Awwww, Tobi has to do it the hard way then." He said before he snatched Chika from Nene's arms and took off in the opposite direction.

"Hey! You bastard get back here!" Nene screamed, tearing after Tobi and her baby.

"Oh my god my friends baby was just, just Kyuubinapped!" Akane yelled as she ran after Nene.

"Get back here you sorry baby snatching prick!" Nene yelled, as she pulled the mask up so she could see where she was going.

"Other Tobi has a potty mouth just like Hidan-san." Tobi yelled over his shoulder.

"I'm going to kill you!" Nene yelled as she sped up, reaching out her fingers brushed the cloke the man wore and he gasped then held one of his hands up and made a hand sign.

"Gotcha!" Nene said as her fingers gripped the cloke, and all she saw was a flash of white.

XXX

Shaking her head Nene tried to shake the spots out of her vision then she opened her eyes and gasped as she looked around she was surrounded by trees! As she gaped at her surroundings she caught sight of the cloke disappear behind a tree, remembering that a psycho had her baby Nene ran after him. As she chased him she saw the trees give way to a clearing and in front of her where 'Tobi' was running was a mountain with boulders sitting in front of it. When Tobi got to one of the boulders he slapped his hand against it and the boulder moved once he was past, it started to close. With a burst of speed Nene made it to the boulder in time to smack right into it, franticly she started to feel around the rock looking for the switch that would move it. As she slapped the rock she didn't hear anyone walk up behind her until they spoke.

"Tobi you idiot, you forgot the hand signs again, un?" A male voice asked, clearly annoyed.

Jumping at the voice Nene yanked the orange mask down and spun around to face the male, looking up she saw blond hair in a ponytail and an annoyed face looking at her.

_'Oh, shit I've lost my mind this dude looks just like Deidara'_ She thought as she eyed the blond, who glared at her.

"Answer me you idiot, did you forget again, yeah?"

"Sorry Sempai Tobi forgot again!" she said hoping the blond would pull the switch so she could find Chika and the spaz who took her.

"Gah, you can't remember four hand signs you're hopeless, yeah." The blond said pushing her out of the way and flew through the hand signs and hit the boulder and it started to move, once the opening was big enough for her to fit Nene squeezed through and ran down the only hall then stopped. She didn't know where to go, as she stood there the answer to where to go came to her.

"Tobi what the fuck you idiot, that's not the Kyuubi." A male voice yelled and Nene ran in the direction of the voice.

"But it looks like the Kyuubi." Tobi defended.

"You can obviously tell it's a kid you fucking dipshit!" the same male voice yelled, and then Chika started to cry.

"Hidan you made it cry."

"Hey fuck you Kakuzu, he's the dumbass who stole some random kid."

Just then Nene burst into the room and looked at the occupant's they were identical to the Akatsuki Kakuzu, Hidan, and Itachi and still holding her baby was Tobi.

"Holy shit there's two Tobi's! Oh Jashin kill me, now!" Hidan yelled.

"Gladly."

"Fuck off Kakuzu, like you could anyway." The priest barked.

"Enough," Itachi said then looked at Nene "Who are you?"

"Uh-"

"Oh, no there are two of them, un?"

"Sempai! Tobi got the Kyuubi, look, look!" Tobi yelled, holding the still crying Chika out for the blond to see.

"Tobi?"

"Yes Sempai?"

"That's a baby in a costume you moron!"

"Really?"

"Yes, really, un."

"We still haven't addressed the issue of there being two Tobi's." Kakuzu broke in making the others in the room look at him then at Tobi and Nene.

"They look the same how do we tell which one is which, un?" Dedaira mused looking at the two Tobi's.

'Oh, crap okay come on Nene you don't cos-play as Tobi for nothing.' Nene thought then.

"SEMPAI!" She screamed launching herself at the blond, latching onto his waist she pointed at Tobi accusingly. "Sempai Tobi is the really Tobi that Tobi is the fake Tobi sempai has to believe Tobi!" she said ending on a fake choked sob.

"This one acts like Tobi, yeah." The blond said trying to push Nene away.

"Well so does the one holding the baby." Itachi stated.

"Let's ask um fucking questions." Hidan said smirking at his idea.

"Fine, un, you," the blond said jabbing Nene in the shoulder and she looked up at him. "What is leaders' goal?"

"Oh, Leader-Sama wants to gain world peace so everyone can live happily ever after and love one another!" she answered.

"Okay you, other Tobi same question."

"Leader-Sama wants the tailed beasts to gain world peace and when Leader-Sama does everyone will have a pet unicorn and Tobi will name Tobi's unicorn Mr. Applejacks!"

"That's the real one, un." Deidara said gripping Nene's arm, so she couldn't run.

"No, he... I mean, er Tobi means… Sempai?" Nene said looking up at the blond, who was glaring down at her.

'Damn it' Nene shouted mentally.

"Who are you, un." Deidara demanded.

Sighing Nene answered "That idiot stole my baby I want her back."

"Tobi's a good boy Tobi got the Kyuubi not a baby." Tobi said defending himself.

Groaning Kakuzu's threads snatched the still crying baby from Tobi and thrust her at Nene who gladly took her now somewhat traumatized baby, and held her close murmuring to her trying to calm the screaming infant.

"It's a baby Tobi, yeah see look." Deidara barked as he pulled Chika's Kyuubi hood down to reveal light brown hair and showed off more of her baby face.

"Awwwww, baby- chan is a cutie!" the masked man gushed.

"Idiot, un."

"How did you even get here girl, you're dressed oddly and so is your baby?" Itachi asked looking at Nene who sighed.

"I'm not sure Tobi stole my baby I chased him and I grabbed the hem of his cloke then there was a flash of light then I was standing in the middle of the forest." She said bouncing Chika who had stopped crying and was now looking at the men around her.

"Tobi?" Itachi said, looking at the masked man.

"Tobi was practicing Tobi's transportation jutsu and Tobi popped into other Tobi's place."

"We should tell Leader, I'll go get him." Kakuzu said walking off not really waiting for any reply from the others.

Once Kakuzu left the room fell into a tense silence the only noise being the coo's Chika made every so often as Nene shifted her weight from foot to foot finally Deidara flipped his hair, Itachi stood looking bored and Hidan looked off into space after a few minutes of torture Kakuzu came back with an orange haired man Nene assumed was Leader-Sama.

"So, Kakuzu tells me you are from another demention?" Leader said looking at Nene.

"Yeah, I'm guessing that's what happened."

"So, Tobi you're the one who did it?" Leader asked looking at the masked man.

"Tobi thinks so, Leader-Sama." Tobi answered.

"See if you can do it again." Leader stated.

"Okay Leader-Sama!" Tobi chirped happily as he made some hand signs and vanished.

"Do you think he did it?" Nene asked looking at the orange haired man.

"I'm not sure but it's nice to have him out of the base for a while, now who are you."

"This is too creepy, un. Girl take off that mask, one Tobi is enough." Deidara said before Nene could answer Pein's question.

"Names Nene." She said as she pulled the mask off to reveal her face "And this super cute baby is my daughter Chika." She said motioning to the baby she held.

"So Leader what are we going to do with her because I'm sure Tobi will never be able to figure out how he got to her world." Itachi said looking at the girl.

"So Nene do you have any skills?" Pein asked.

"Um, I can cook."

"I vote for her to stay, yeah. None of us can cook to save our lives!" Deidara blurted and it was quickly seconded by the others.

"So… do me and Chika get a room?"

"Yes, Deidara take her to the spare room on the south wing."

"What why do I have to do it Leader, un?"

"Your room is on that end of the building that is why."

"Oh, okay come on, yeah." The blond said walking away expecting Nene to follow, sighing she did.

~Meanwhile with Tobi~

"Ooooooo, you look like Itachi-San, Hello Chibi Itachi San-Chan if the real Itachi-San was here he would be all 'So foolish little brother have you learned the true meaning of hate yet' Ooooo you should tell Tobi and Tobi will tell the real Itachi-San, Little Itachi-San-Chan!" Tobi said as he looked at Sasuke.

"How did you even get in here!" the younger Uchiha yelled glaring at Tobi.

"Tobi doesn't know Chibi Itachi-San-Chan."

The Uchiha's eye twitched as he looked at the masked man in front of him "Okay get out of Orochimaru's lair you masked freak."

"This is Orochimaru's lair, Tobi wants to see!" he yelled running off.

"No get back here!" Sasuke screamed as he gave chase after Tobi.

~3 days later~

"It's so peaceful without Tobi here screaming, running, breaking things, tackle hugging everyone, screaming." Deidara said as he lounged on the couch.

"You said screaming twice brat."

"Shut up Danna, yeah."

"Damn it Kakuzu give me some money I'm tired of Chika sleeping in a wicker clothes basket and I need clothes I've been wearing my one outfit and my cos-play clothes for the past three day!" Nene yelled following the older man into the living room.

"She's fine it'll build character and Konan has clothes." He said as he sat down in one of the recliners.

"How the fuck dose sleeping in a clothes basket build character exactly?! Also I'm taller than Konan; you're just being a greedy money whoring jackass!" She yelled glaring at the man.

"Your mouth is almost as foul as Hidan's." Kakuzu commented as he grabbed a book from the coffee table.

"Oh, don't change the subject you old bastard." She said then smirked and sucked in a breath "KONAN!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Then smiled at the look on the misers face, Nene and Konan became fast friends being the only two females in a gang full of annoying males. Konan could get anything she wanted because the others feared her and her all mighty paper and the fact that they feared Pein helped too. After a few minutes Konan walked into the living room and looked at Nene.

"Yes, did you scream Nene?"

"Konan Kakuzu won't give me any money to buy my little Chika a proper bed he's still making her sleep in that old wicker clothes basket." Nene pouted looking at the bluenette.

"Kakuzu, you're making that baby sleep in a clothes basket! That's horrible give Nene some money to get a crib." Konan said looking at the miser.

"But cribs are expensive."

"Kakuzu." The bluenette said in a threatening tone.

"Fine!" Kakuzu said in exasperation throwing his hands up as he stalked off to get the money for Nene.

"Yey Konan." Nene squeaked hugging the other woman, who patted her head.

Then there was a noise from the front of the base, curious about what it was Deidara, Nene, and Konan went to check it out Itachi went too, not wanting to be left alone. Once they reached the entrance Konan used the hand signs and the boulder moved to reveal a postal Ninja holding Tobi under one arm and a clipboard in his free hand.

"Sign here please." The postal Nin said handing Konan the clipboard, who took it and signed her name on the dotted line. "He's your problem now." The nin said dropping Tobi on the ground then he poofed away.

"Is he dead, yeah?" Deidara asked a hint of joy in his voice.

"No, he's under a Genjutsu." Konan answered as she broke the jutsu.

"Damn."

As Tobi stood up he looked at the group standing at the entrance of the hideout and Nene and Deidara started laughing his mask had nine different stamps slapped on it and one of them was covering his eye hole and he had a note pinned to his cloke, Konan was reaching for the note when Tobi realized he was 'blind' and screamed.

"AHHHHHH, TOBI'S BLIND, TOBI'S BLIND NOOOOOO, TOBI'S LIKE ITACHI-SAN NOW!" The masked man screamed as he ran in reckless circles flapping his arms.

"Tobi stop running you're not blind now hold still so I can get the note pinned to you." Konan said as she grabbed the back of his cloke. Spinning him around she snatched the note off of him then jabbed her finger through the stamp that was blinding him then she read the note.

_Akatsuki or more like Itachi,_

_ We did not appreciate the annoying 'gift' you sent to us to try and make Sasuke-kun learn how to hate it backfired after his many attempts to kill Tobi which included him trying to Chidori him, Katon him, summoning Manda to try and eat him, trying to poison him with Kabuto's most toxic poisons, laying well devised traps, trying to drown him in a bucket of water, trying to blow him up with exploding tags. _

_Sasuke-kun gave up on life he told Manda to eat him! I almost had to find a new body; do you know how hard it is to find a young, strong, fit male body that can handle what I have in store for Sasuke-kun? Hum? I think not! _

_So finally after we caught the annoying masked me with a cleverly placed cardboard box propped up with a stick and a piece of chocolate I knocked him out then put a stamp on his face and pinned this note to him. Now do not send him back! I'm going to have to put Sasuke-kun in therapy before I can take his body now._

_Orochimaru _

"Creepy." Nene muttered as she looked at the note over Konan's shoulder.

"That's why we kicked him out he was weird but once we got rid of him we also got rid of the only one of us that could cook." Deidara said as he walked back in the base.

"Hmmm, okay well I gotta go find Kakuzu and make him give me that money for Chika's crib." Nene said as she followed the bomber into the base.

"I'll come to Nene he'll probialy try and weasel his way out of it." Konan mused as she followed Nene.

"Konan-san what does Itachi –San have to do with Kakuzu-San and Nene-chan?" Tobi yelled as he ran after the group.

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**Pan) Okay I know it's not very funny but this is only the first chapter, trust me I've got a ton of stuff planned. Like I said before this story really doesn't have a plot to it, it's going to be just random chapters.**

**Pan) Here's the best part! You guys can leave me funny ideas in your reviews and if I like it I'll make your idea into a chapter! And of course I'll tell everyone it was your idea, so leave reviews.**


	2. Be Assertive!

** Kyuubinapped**

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**Pan-chan) Hey guys so I don't have much to say seeing as no one gave me any ideas for a new chapter here's a chapter I thought of.**

**Pan-chan) Also I'm going to be doing the rest of the chapters in Nene's POV or the Akatsuki's for the sake of the story, also Tobi will be our loveable idiot, not be Madara/Obito whoever he is. **

**Pan-chan) I don't own Naruto, Dora, Batman, Superman or James Bond 007**

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Sighing I stretched my arms as I walked down the dirt path that led back to the base, Konan had threatened Kakuzu again to give me some money so I could buy food for the barren kitchen, of course he complained about it. Then Konan made Pein get involved needless to say I got a huge wad of cash and Kakuzu death glared me till I was walking away with Tobi at my heels, he insisted he come with me. I agreed because I didn't feel like carrying the three huge sealing scrolls Pein gave me to put the food in, and seeing that Tobi didn't annoy me all the way to the small village that is an hour's walk away from the base and for a chance to piss off Kakuzu I told Tobi I would buy him something from the store. So the masked man ran around the store for ten minutes looking for what he wanted and finally found it and shoved it in my face yelling about how 'neat' it was and that he wanted it. So I bought it for him, bet you wanna know what it is don't cha?

Well Tobi wanted a purse, not just a purse but one of those huge ones that look like a small duffle bag, you know the ones you're afraid to clean out because you're not sure if something will bite off your hand or not. Not to mention most of them are hideous, Tobi at least picked one that was tolerable to the eyes it was dark blue, and covered in different colored Candies and the scary part was he was carrying it properly.

"Nene-chan! Tobi love's Tobi's new purse!" He yelled as he ran up beside me.

"I'm glad you like it Tobi, it cost Kakuzu a lot of money." I said smiling. It serves him right for trying to return Chika's crib for a dilapidated piece of crap he found on a mission in Iwa.

"Does Kakuzu- san know?"

"Of course he does Tobi!" Well at least he would, queue evil laugh, and I ripped the receipt into little pieces of confetti and flung it all over the dirt road as we walked, so haha good luck trying to return Tobi's purse!

"Oh, Okay Nene-chan… Oh look there's the base!" Tobi yelled as he ran to the entrance boulder and waited for me.

"Well open it up Tobi." I said looking at him.

"Doesn't Nene-chan know how to open it?"

"No because Nene-chan doesn't have chakra."I replied.

"Oooooo, Nene-chan doesn't remember the hand signs?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Tobi how could you forget the hand signs?!" I shouted, glaring at the masked man.

"Tobi's sorry Nene-chan! Tobi's a good boy, don't be mad at Tobi."

"I'm not mad Tobi I remember the signs, watch." I said as I made the signs for him.

"Yey Nene-chan is smart!" He said as he flashed through the hand signs and slapped his hand on the boulder,

"Yeah, I try Tobi now come help me unpack the food, please."

"Okay Nene-chan."

Once in the kitchen we got all the food where it was supposed to be then Tobi looked at his purse then at me then his purse again.

"Tobi needs something to put in his purse!"

"Like what?"

"Tobi doesn't know." He said as Deidara walked in he looked at the bright bag then at Tobi then at me.

"What is that, yeah?"

"It's Tobi's new purse Sempai!"

"Tobi don't call it a purse call it a European shoulder bag, yeah." The blond said looking at the masked man.

"No Sempai it's a purse."

"Shoulder bag, un."

"Purse!"

"Shoulder bag, yeah!"

"It's a purse Sempai, its Tobi's purse!"

"You know usually this argument goes the other way." I said smiling at the two males.

"Well Tobi's an idiot, un."

"Uh huh, well go away so I can cook." I said shooing them away.

**Few hours later**

Setting the table I grinned at the food and turned to call the boys and Konan to eat getting to the door I was tackled to the floor by a blur then.

"NENE-CHAN!"

"What Tobi?"

"Hidan-san stole Tobi's purse!" he sobbed shoving his masked face into mine.

"What do you want me to do about it?" I asked pushing his face away.

"Get it back for Tobi!"

"How do you suppose I do that huh?"

"Tobi doesn't know, Nene-chan is smart." He said hopping up and yanking me to my feet.

"Fine I'll go get it Tobi, go round everyone up for dinner." I said as I walked away.

_ 'God Tobi better appreciate this Hidan's room is scary!' _I thought as I walked down the hall with Tobi's hideous purse over my shoulder. _'Now where is the little wired rascal?'_ I mused as I checked in a few doorways for him.

Finally after another ten minutes of wandering around looking for Tobi I found him sprawled out on the floor in the living room drawing on paper with a red colored pencil, looking over his shoulder I was shocked to see the picture was actually good! It was a drawing of a panda chewing on a stick of bamboo why he was making the panda red I was clueless on but whatever all I have to say for that is, it's Tobi. Clearing my throat loudly I got the masked man's attention as he looked over his shoulder he gasped and leapt to his feet and crushed me in a hug.

"Oh, thank you Nene-chan for saving Tobi's purse!" he squealed in my ear.

"You're welcome now let me go, please."

"Okay, Nene-chan but what if Hidan-san tries to steal Tobi's purse again?"

"Hmmmm, well…" then I grinned as an, oh so evil idea came to mind "Well Tobi you have to be assertive, come here and I'll tell you how." I said as I whispered into his ear, laughing manically in my mind as I did so.

**XXX **

Sitting on the couch in the living room with Chika on my lap, I bounced her and smiled as she giggled crazily, baby were so easy to amuse then again so was Tobi. Hearing someone I looked up to see Konan walk into the room she came over and sat by me and Chika and smiled at the baby on my lap, Konan loved Chika. She said the whole Akatsuki were like children but she said Chika was actually adorable unlike the men that were scattered around the base.

"Hey Konan thanks again for watching Chika for me while me and Tobi went to the store." I said as Chika yanked on my shoulder length hair and giggled.

"It's no problem like I said before I love babies." She said as she poked Chika's belly, earning a squeaky giggle.

"Yeah we-" I was cut off by Tobi screaming.

"NO, HIDAN-SAN THAT'S TOBI' PURSE!" Then there was a strangled gasping yelp.

"What was that about?" Konan said as she stood from the couch as ran to the hall where Tobi's scream came from, with me following Chika in my arms and a sadistic grin plastered on my face.

"Tobi! What did you do?" the bluenette demanded as she looked at Hidan's crumpled form on the floor.

"Tobi was being assertive Konan-chan!"

"Fucker kicked me in the nuts!" Hidan gasped out glaring at Tobi from the floor.

Trying not to bust out laughing I watched the exchange as Konan chide Tobi about what he did and helped Hidan from the floor and to the kitchen for some ice. Leaving me and the masked man alone, looking over at me Tobi tilted his head to the side.

"Nene-chan you said that's what being assertive was why did Konan-chan yell at Tobi?"

"Because Konan doesn't know about assertiveness yet Tobi I'll tell her, you were a good boy." I said.

"So Tobi can still be assertive?" he asked.

"Of course you can!"

"Yey!" Tobi yelled as he ran down the hall, leaving me to smile to myself, I'm such an evil bitch.

Going back to the living room I sat back on the couch and flipped on the T.V and surfed the channels when Konan walked back in shaking her head muttering about Tobi's odd behavior. I couldn't help but smile to myself causing Konan to look at me, I saw her stare from the corner of my eye and tried to focus on the T.V show in front of me but it wasn't working, damn Konan and her glare of truth!

"Nene, what did you do?" she asked, her glare unrelenting.

"Nothing Konan-chan, it's not my fault Tobi kicked Hidan in the junk I mean you can't say he hasn't had it coming for a long while." I answered and truthfully I _was_ right. Right?

"Well that is true but it's not right to teach Tobi that," then a thought seemed to strike her "Where did you learn that you don't seem like the type to land a low blow like that?"

"Well," I started laughing a bit. "I took this self-defense class at our local community center when I was pregnant with Chika it was being taught by a paunchy middle aged premature balding man who wore a fanny pack. The first class happened to be 'Nut cracking' as he put it which consisted of women screaming like a banshee then kicking a male aslant in the balls. After I suffered through that I learned the next invigorating class was 'the proper technique to eye gouging' needless to say I didn't go back." I said, then snickered at the look on Konan's face.

"That is the self-defense they teach women in your world?" she asked.

"Yep pathetic, huh?"

"Slightly, but you do know Tobi is going to take this too far right?"

"Oh god I hope so, I've been so bored!" I said laughing as Konan sighed and walked out of the living room.

As Konan left Chika started to fuss and I looked at the clock it was 1:35 time for her to eat standing from the couch I made my way to the kitchen as I stepped into the room I saw Tobi and Deidara staring each other down each had a grip on the same toaster waffle, oh this was going to be beautiful! As I scurried around grabbing Chika's bottle and her formula I listened to the boys' exchange.

"Tobi let go of the waffle, yeah." Deidara hissed.

"Sempai Tobi wants the last waffle." The masked man pleaded.

"No, un."

"Seeeemmmmpaaaiii."

"No Tobi get off, un." Deidara snapped yanking the waffle from Tobi's fingers.

"Sempai Tobi wants the waffle!" he whined, reaching for it.

"No, I'm smarter so I get the waffle, yeah." The blond said smiling.

Then Tobi seemed to catch sight of me as I gave Chika her bottle then as if something clicked in his head he turned back to Deidara.

"SEMPAI THAT'S TOBI'S WAFFLE!" He screamed and his foot swung out catching the blond in the baby maker, who squeaked dropped the waffle and hit his knees his hands cupping his pride.

Seemingly satisfied with his work Tobi picked up the now battered, floor waffle wiped it on his pants and shoved it under his mask and skipped away happily, watching him leave I was slightly disgusted at his act. He just ate a waffle off of the Akatsuki's kitchen floor! I don't even walk on the kitchen floor in my socks, with all the things that happen in this kitchen, who knows what was on that waffle he just shoved into his pie hole.

"Ne…Nen…Nene." Deidara gasped out.

"Yeah?" I said looking at the blond and I couldn't help feel a little sorry for him; he looked on the verge of tears.

"I-Ice." He whimpered as he flopped to his side, on the floor, ew.

"Okay hold on." Adjusting Chika so I could hold her and the bottle with the same arm I opened the freezer and pulled out an ice pack and walked to the blond squatting down I held it out to him and he just looked at it. "Take it I'm not holding an ice pack on your crotch Deidara."

"Fine." He groaned out snatching the ice pack from me and applying it to the affected area.

Walking out of the kitchen I heard him mutter something about blowing Tobi to kingdom come once he could walk again, Giggling I walked to my room to put Chika down for a nap and to go looking for Tobi to see if he could provide me anymore entertainment. After I had Chika tucked in I walked out of my room and down the hall, passing a limping Deidara who still had the ice pack to his baby maker and an evil smirk plastered on his face. Aw, poor, poor Tobi hopefully he could out run Deidara's clay animals if not he was going to have some major burn marks. Oh well, now where oh where could my idiot be? Wandering down the hall I sighed I've been looking for ten minutes; it's like trying to find a needle in a hay stack! Turning another corner I saw Kisame, he might know where Tobi is.

"Kisame, do you know where Tobi is?"

"Yeah, he's in the kitchen with Itachi." The shark man said.

"Okay!" I said maybe a bit too happily as I ran down the hall, I mean Tobi isn't stupid enough to 'assert' himself with Itachi, was he? Only one way to find out. Smiling like a manic I ran into the kitchen and skidded to a stop making Itachi look up from the book he was reading, and then he idly took a sip from a juice box. Wait really, Itachi drinking a juice box!? Looking at my confused face Itachi smirked then went back to his book, then Tobi opened the fridge and rummaged around sighing in disappointment he shut the door. Turning around his mask locked onto the juice box in the Uchiha's hand, holy shit he is that stupid! Feeling suddenly giddy I hopped onto the counter and snatched an apple out of the wooden bowl next to me and took a bite waiting for the show.

"Itachi-san." Tobi muttered.

"Hn"

"That's Tobi's last juice box, Tobi always gets Tobi's last juice box."

"Kakuzu is sending Nene to the store tomorrow she can get you more then." He said turning the page in his book.

_"When did I become the Akatsuki's freaking earned boy?" _I thought to myself before paying attention to the show about to ensue.

"Tobi wanted a juice box now."

"There is bottled juice." Itachi stated.

"It doesn't have a straw." Tobi argued.

"There are straws in the cabinet use one of them."

"It's not the same!" the masked man cried pointing at Itachi.

"You will be fine Tobi, disappointment is good for you it builds character."

"Itachi-san." Tobi said walking in front of the Uchiha.

"Hum." He replied sipping from the juice box.

"THAT WAS TOBI'S LAST JUICE BOX!" He screamed and since he couldn't kick the sitting Uchiha he did something far, far worse he stomped on the poor Sharingan users pride.

Spitting the apple juice from his mouth and dropping his book at the same time Itachi doubled over clutching his crushed manly pride, and I swore I heard a sob come from the stock man but it couldn't have been according to Itachi 'Uchiha's don't cry' feeling far more sympathy for Itachi than I did for Hidan or Deidara because he got his stuff smashed between Tobi's foot and a wooden chair, I felt I should say something.

"Tobi, you shouldn't kick a blind man in the junk that's just not right." I said hopping from the counter and went to the freezer since Deidara still had the ice pack Itachi got a bag of frozen peas.

"Here Itachi." I said holding the frozen peas out to him and he snatched them from my hand.

"Tobi hates you Itachi-san!" the masked man yelled running out of the kitchen.

With that an idea struck me and I looked at Itachi.

"Hey Itachi maybe you should steal Sasuke's juice box to make him learn true hate it worked with Tobi." I mused glancing away then I looked at Itachi again.

Seeing his glaring Sharingan spinning I squealed and ran from the kitchen, crabby Uchiha see if I get him frozen peas for his crushed nuts again.

XXX

Throughout the rest of the day Tobi managed to 'assert' himself with the rest of the Akatsuki, he got Kisame because the shark nin changed the channel while Tobi was watching 'Dora'. He Got Kakuzu because the miser wouldn't raise Tobi's allowance to ten dollars a week -I was annoyed that Tobi got an allowance but I still bought his purse granted it was Kakuzu's money but I could of bought me something. He got Zetsu because he wouldn't let Tobi play with the garden hose, because he destroyed the last one and it took him two months to get Kakuzu to buy another one. He tried to get Sasori but apparently being a puppet he no longer need that particular part of male anatomy so Tobi hurt his toes, then he got Deidara again when the Iwa nin tried to exact his vengeance from the first 'Tobi attack'. Tobi even got Leader when he refused to let Tobi make a theme song for the Akatsuki that they could play while on missions.

So it was a very fun filled day for me, sitting on the couch I was running all this through my mind and giggled hopefully none of the Akatsuki wanted kids. Sighing I stretched out on the couch when Konan walked in and sat in the chair across from me. Looking over at her a thought came to me.

"Hey Konan I haven't seen any of the guys in a few hours." I said looking at the bluenett.

"There hiding in their rooms from Tobi and his 'assertive foot of righteousness' as he calls it now." She said making me snicker. "Nene you should have never taught him that." Konan scolded.

"Oh, come on Konan he'll forget it in a few days he has the attention span of a two year old, besides have you ever heard the base this quiet?" I asked looking at her.

"I… well no actually it is quite nice." She mused.

"See it has its pro's and con's." I said smiling.

"And those are?"

"Pro's the base is quiet we don't have to deal with the idiots and the con's are that maybe the boys won't be able to have kids."

"Alright but you know Karma's going to come back and get you Nene." She said.

"Yeah, yeah." I muttered standing up and went to grab the remote from the T.V as Tobi ran in we gripped the remote at the same time.

"Nene-chan Tobi wants to watch 'Superman'!"

"No way Tobi the first 'Batman' movie is coming on in ten minutes!" I retorted.

"But Neeeeneee-chan 'Superman' is awesome 'Batman' stinks!"

"Blasphemy!" I yelled in a tone Hidan would be proud of "'Superman' bites, 'Batman' is the shit!"

"No!" Tobi yelled.

"Yes!" I yelled back.

"Nene-chan!"

"What!" I barked.

"TOBI WANTS TO WATCH 'SUPERMAN'!" He yelled and swung his foot up repeating what he's done all day the only difference was I glared at him instead of hitting the floor.

"It didn't work." He stated holding his finger to his mask in a thinking manner.

"Of course not you twit I don't have balls!" I growled out still glaring at him.

"Oh." He muttered.

"Now release the remote." I demanded.

"Hey Nene-chan?"

"What Tobi?"

"CHA!" He shouted and punched my boob.

"Tobi you jackass!" I screamed lunging at him; he dodged and fled from the living room me running after him screaming threats the whole time.

**(Konan)**

_'I told her Karma would get her, now time to watch '007' everyone knows Bond is the shit.' _the paper user thought smiling to herself as she curled up in the chair and flipped on the T.V.

** XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX **

**Pan) Well there we go, my boyfriend said I was cruel having Tobi kick every Akatsuki male in the balls but what does he know! So I hope this chapter didn't disappoint the next chapter Nene gets a mission with Hidan and Kakuzu, fun, fun!**

**Pan) So I still need ideas if you wanna throw me any. **

**Pan) But here is my question of the day who is your favorite Akatsuki member and what would be there theme song? (Here's a spoiler for a later chapter it's going to be a song parody chapter) I'll tell you mine at the beginning of the next chapter.**


End file.
